@NotARatsAss: My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast.
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@TedOfficialPage: Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers "Bless you" and hangs up
@iRowlf: I like to think that when Homer Simpson suffers from erectile dysfunction, he chokes his wiener and yells "Why you little!!!!!"
@sixfootcandy: I just left a pregnancy test box in my brother's bathroom to mess with him and his new girlfriend.
@aguywithnolife: searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do