@NotARatsAss: My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast.
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@zero3_benz: You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
@lilgapeach30: Stepped on an action figure in the shower and simultaneously invented six new cuss words in four different languages.
@SomthinBoutSara: Just watched a guy in a shirt that read "Jedi I am" trip on a curb and fall. Jedi you are not sir