@NotARatsAss: My dog is so passive-aggressive. She let me sleep in late this morning, but then counter-surfed and stole my breakfast.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hello_saylor: Fact: it's impossible to look tough while getting a snack from a vending machine. You're all, "Wheeee! A tiny bag of Cheetos!"
@frogpissmouth: [punches shark on the nose[ shark: that wont stop me me: are u crying shark: no its always wet & salty on my face
@oxygenplug: "we're out of bread" "ciabatta be kidding!" [waiter takes out gun] "make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit" [i take out my gun]