@noogscorner: Me: Hi.
Girl: No.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded "I don't post pictures of my food online" and I think she believed me.
@psychopompis: man-ant: picnic's over boys
ant thugs: oh no its man-ant, run!
man-ant: *shambles towards them on hind legs wearing human costume*
@sixfootcandy: Husband: Where are Girl Scout cookies?
Me: We were robbed.
Husband: They only took the cookies?
Me: Well, that and the vase your mom gave us for the holidays. Weird, right?
@donni: I identified a body yesterday.
"That's a body!" I said.
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