@SCbchbum: My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.
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@AlexvanBeek: When someone has coordinates in their bio, I feel the need to alert their local police, to counter all the psychos en route to murder them.
@KenJennings: Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.
@mstern68: Alcohol: You know Kung Fu and you're not afraid to use it Brain: This makes sense right now Body: We're on board Pavement: Come at me bro
@calvinstowell: Captain America is fighting with the Red Skull on Twitter right now. This is too real.