@T_Bonezzz_: Her: YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT! Me: Well... at least I'm not all of the shit

@ehchino: [Couples counseling] "It's not good to keep these things bottles up, you know" Okay, fine *opens jar of wasps*

@robfee: The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof

@KeetPotato: [paddling silently along the amazon in 2-man kayak taking in it's beauty] *from behind me* you know they named this after a website

@EndhooS: I invited Alan over for dinner. "Alan Jacobs? Or Alan who thinks he's Captain America?" *a badly painted bin lid smashes through the window*