@FuckabillyRex: My dog seems happy so I took her meds to see if they'd help me and I guess at least I won't have any ticks this summer.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Death_Buddy: When you swallow a spider in your sleep, eat some dead flies the morning after to ensure the spider gives you a positive Trip Advisor rating
@djdarrellripley: Her: All the men have jackets on. Why didnt you wear the sports jacket I got you? Me: You bought me a ski jacket Her: Skiing is a sport!
@the_hawlk: SECURITY GUARD: "Sir, I have to check all backpacks" ME: "ok" *opens backpack* *its full of hundreds of tiny backpacks*
@dafloydsta: [trying to impress date] HER: I really want to have children. ME: [to waiter] Bring us your finest baby.