@TeflonPawn: My dog stopped digging after I told him he's just gonna end up in China.
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@vvolfsz: The nominees are Leonardo DiCaprio Leonardo DiCaprio Leonardo DiCaprio And the winner is *opens envelope* mad max fury road
@_ElvishPresley_: Me: (accidentally crushes the World's Smallest Violin) Guy who owns the World's Second Smallest Violin: aw yea baby my time to shine
@ShortSleeveSuit: [in class] Hermione: For once I want the teacher to get my name right! Gar4y With a Silent 4: Totally know what ya mean
@KeetPotato: imagine how angry bear grylls' wife would be if he didn't like what she cooked for dinner