@FknVancouver: My dog thinks I collect small bags of poo
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@knot_eye: I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you're looking for a life coach or whatever.
@FrogAvalanche: [On phone] "Did u see the weather forecast?" "No. I refuse to be sucked in by Big Weather." "Where are you? Its so noisy." "IN A TORNADO."
@Tmoney68: June 1885 - The Statue Of Liberty arrives in the U.S. in 350 pieces with no instructions. Future IKEA magnate: "That gives me an idea."
@BuckyIsotope: If you go to an animal shelter and ask for a cat, they get really upset if you play them like a guitar and scream ROCK YOU LIKE A FURRICANE.