@_Tempo11: My dog took his raw food upstairs and ate it in my bed. How's your night going?
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@AnOrangeSNES: "I just called to say I love you." -Stevie Wonder not understanding how prank calls work
@zacharyflynn: You say jump I say how high. You say run I say how fast. You say lets hang out I say no.
@carlyken: Detective: ok forensics is finished. I'll start here and you- Dog cop: I'll mark our territory [dog cop pees around the crime scene tape]
@BeCoco77: I'll apologize for burning your house down if you apologize for telling me I "overreact."