@_Tempo11: My dog took his raw food upstairs and ate it in my bed. How's your night going?
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@alexjmann: You should marry the first person who can understand what you're saying while you brush your teeth.
@WilliamAder: I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
@MoneypennyNaked: So I said 'I love you' but he didn't say it back. We haven't spoken since. Maybe he just needs space. Vet: Your cat's fine. You can go now.
@caseytduncan: The mood took a dark turn when I intercepted the wedding bouquet and ran it back for a touchdown.