@SuSuSuDonym: Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.

@cuntrystronggal: "I like cooking my family and my pets." Use commas. Don't be a psycho.

@mrsmith196645: I spent the day in nature and by nature I mean drinking beer on a golf course. I saw a butterfly.

@TheTweetOfGod: NEW EXPRESSIONS "Kanye bless you." "Kanye damn it!" "One nation, under Kanye." "Thank Kanye Almighty!" "The Kanyefather, Part II"

@robfee: Sorry Im late, I saw that Spongebob episode where he's a lifeguard but cant swim, even though they live underwater & now my brain is leaking