@_Tempo11: My dog took his raw food upstairs and ate it in my bed. How's your night going?
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@Jandalize: Saw a teen couple buying condoms in the pharmacy so I let my grandbaby run around their feet & whispered 'that's the brand my daughter used'
@wendchymes: Before company arrives we like to clean our house so there's no evidence that we live like circus monkeys the other 364 days of the year!
@FunnyCauseImFat: My wife fell asleep during American Idol, so I got up like a fat ninja and turned hockey on. Then, I whispered to myself "I run this house"