@gmossii: My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism.
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@Chumpstring: [grocery store] MOM: omg where's my kid??! KIDNAPPER: [retired] cereal aisle MOM: oh thank heavens
@kcmoore51: Me: What are your plans for tonight? 13: Think I'll hang out with you and mom. Me: Goddammit...uh I mean that's great.
@Parkerlawyer: My teenagers are watching Jaws for the first time and laughing. LAUGHING. When I saw Jaws for the first time I didn’t even go swimming in a pool for 3 years.