@DonQuickoats: My dogs are barking a lot lately but I think it is because their performance appraisals are coming up
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@lisaxy424: boss: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING? me: HAHAHA [later] cw: WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING? me: literally never talk to me gary
@kevinrowe1: I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
@daemonic3: MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog's pre-puke warning grunts.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Feeling better? me: Yeah wife: Kind of overreacted to a cold didn't you? [flashback to me calling the Make-A-Wish Foundation] me: No