@DonQuickoats: My dogs are barking a lot lately but I think it is because their performance appraisals are coming up
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@NickFlora: The Great Gatsby was so unrealistic. So many people at those huge parties and not once did anyone ask for the wifi password.
@JimmerThatisAll: If a woman asks you to buy her a flamethrower ask yourself some questions before you buy it.
@JoroPotential: If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line "lettuce romaine friends" at a low cost of my student loans.
@myonlymizztake: My date didn't go as planned and now I don't know what to do with this kiddie pool full of nacho cheese.