@JPHaddadio: My dog's frightened to walk across shiny floors and won't eat dog food unless I heat it up. I have a feeling he'd be a flop out in nature.
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@MatthewACherry: Lack of diversity in period pieces is wild. It's as if black ppl were invented during slavery got discontinued then relaunched in the 60s.
@Jandalize: Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine.
@Darlainky: Dear Santa, Please send gift cards. Your taste has gotten significantly worse in recent years.
@cjwerleman: Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.