@JPHaddadio: My dog's frightened to walk across shiny floors and won't eat dog food unless I heat it up. I have a feeling he'd be a flop out in nature.
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@iFluff8: Men ask us if we're naked when we tell them we're taking a bath. THAT'S why they pay more for their car insurance.
@MaryKoCo: "How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?" "How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?"
@slaughthie: I got called "vein" and I'm just like, k not the most vital component of the circulatory system but still essential so thank you
@ilovepie84: I once slowly roasted a Marshmallow over fire until the Michelin Man gave me some free tires.