@kentgrossarth: My downstairs neighbor thinks I'm a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.
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@CroweJam: I'll believe corporations are people when conservatives ban them from marrying each other.
@UniqueDude2: [dinosaur naming committee] TERRY: and we will call the flying one the Terodactyl PTERRY: I've got a crazy idea
@mrsmith196645: Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening.
@ryaninco: God: I will create a being to cook, clean, serve and obey. Adam: what will it cost me? God: an arm and a leg. Adam: what can I get for a rib