@NervousJr: my drafts folder is a lot like all of my exes. they totally made sense in my head at the time, but now I cringe when I look at them.
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@sarcasticmommy4: Me: It's been a while since we've had to take one of the kids to the ER. Trampoline: Hold my beer.
@TheHyyyype: [i'm on the ship's deck, dragging around a board by a rope] PIRATE CAPTAIN: *rubs temples* that's not what i meant by "walk the plank"
@TheRolo: [Ouija board] Me: Demon? I-W-I-L-L-E-A-T-Y-O-U-R-E-S-O-U-L Me: *your Y-O-U-K-N-O-W W-H-A-T-I-D-O-N-T-W-A-N-T-Y-O-U-R-S-O-U-L-A-N-Y-M-O-R-E
@HappyHijabbi: *Brings 8 year old back to hospital nursery with receipt* This one doesn't listen anymore...Can I get a new one?