@DrunkSocialite: My dream is to become the first smart person to be interviewed by a newscaster live at a scene.
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@carlyken: Every Political Ad Ever: I'm a rich guy who's not like the other rich guy he's a total douche. *Paid for by my rich guy friends*
@realHamOnWry: Mom: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too? Me: Of course...we have free healthcare. #Canada150th
@jwoodham: MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
@SteveDutzy: Give a man a fish and he'll go to McDonald's instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald's