@longwall26: "My dream is to create something that both dogs and fraternity brothers will enjoy chasing with equal vigor." -- inventor of the frisbee
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@sirmunchie: For Valentine's Day my GF upped my life insurance policy. Unrelated, anyone know why there's a ticking sound coming from underneath my car?
@SaraMansford: Germ 1-OMG he dropped his pizza! Germ 2-PIIZZZAAAA!!! Let's get it! Germ Capt.-Stand back! He still has one more second to pick it up.
@recoveringbapti: The word "Diputseromneve" may look ridiculous, but backward it's even more stupid...
@bornmiserable: "It's never too late to get the beach body you want," I say, pulling a fresh corpse out of the ocean