@Maui_Speaks: My drivers side window quit working. So I guess I'm on a diet.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@gtfml: When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
@robfee: The worst part about breaking up right before Halloween is now I have to explain at every party why I'm dressed as half of a horse.
@OfficialMizGin: My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn’t invite anybody I could eat all the snacks.
@sad_tree: [job interview] "So why do you want to be a jeweler?" ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies