@ndiquote: My Dyslexic Cat thinks she has " P " no. of lives.
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@007Pepe_Rex: Top 3 questions asked by my parents: 3) How's the business? 2) Do you have a girlfriend? 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator?
@Sal0630: Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*
@animaldrumss: [ronald mcdonald in fake mustache sidles up to group of teens] mcdonalds sucks right guys? Let's discuss ways they could improve their image
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is at the supermarket, standing by the cucumbers & laughing hysterically, pointing at them with tears streaming down his face