@TuffyNyC: My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear.
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@myonlymizztake: Trying to do deadlifts at the gym, but I can't figure out where they hide the bodies.
@Rollinintheseat: Doctor's office: "Can you fax us your information?" Me: "Let me get a rock and chisel to write down your fax number."
@faizziy: There are days & nights where I'm surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house.