@TuffyNyC: My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@InternetHippo: Internships are useful for a résumé. When you apply for a real job, they'll be like, "I see you worked for free a lot, are you an idiot?"
@ericsshadow: My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late.
@ericsshadow: [Starbucks intercom] "Will the man that ordered the Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte please pick up your drink. No one is looking."
@jergarl: Wife: Are you drunk? Me: I know this is a trick question so I'm going with no. Why? W: Because you're naked on the neighbors porch. M:...