@TuffyNyC: My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear.
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@70Ceeks: hungover at 22: dag gonna be 9 minutes late for work at 39: ...finally, to my faithful cat elroy i leave my cache of nagano '98 olympic pins
@hippieswordfish: 'babe, i'm ready' -says my wife, from the bedroom 'be right there' -i say from the bathroom, trying furiously to untangle my yo-yo string
@LeBearGirdle: Friend: just be yourself. Me: Be myself? Be myself?! Some of the most successful people I know aren't myself. That's horrible advice