@dog_feelings: my ear. is inside out. and the human. is not home to fix it. i have put the household. on alert level. dark grey.
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@JessicaVarsity: I just leaped over a 3ft tall dog gate with the skill and grace of an olympian to get a snack from microwave. *Adds track star to resume*
@blaha_Who: My gf thought it was so cute when she found out I owned a pair of tap shoes Until I got drunk, and put them on
@dumbbeezie: Cashier: Next Me: Why are these fingerless gloves full price? Cashier: Oh shit it’s you again
@foodfacenow: Interview Boss: What could you bring to this company? Me: Well I guess I could bring my stereo, but I get to choose what we listen to.