@nigburt: My electric toothbrush broke so now I have to use my acoustic one
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@rolldiggity: The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.
@zachreinert03: I'm really glad they named a park bench after my uncle in memorial. It fits, he was great at having homeless ppl sleep on top of him
@Book_Krazy: [arrives at sales meeting with giraffe I bought last month] "Ok, did everyone bring a graph tracking your activity this month?" ME: uh oh
@Jeffwni: - "I love Beyoncé... - Whatever floats your boat dude. - No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'. - …"