@nigburt: My electric toothbrush broke so now I have to use my acoustic one
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@FrenulumBreve: *Britney Spears releases a new fragrance* *the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*
@dafloydsta: [date] HER: So what's your spirit animal? ME: Roosters. HER: Lol, why? ME: *leans in close* I also start my day screaming.
@doccy_style: Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they're concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?