@clarkekant: My electric toothbrush ran out of batteries so I had to brush with my acoustic.
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@Cheeseboy22: Whenever I am with my family and someone says, "Wow, you have a beautiful family!" I reply, "Well, we left the ugly ones at home."
@texasstalkermom: How many beer trucks can you "accidentally" run into before your insurance company becomes suspicious?
@LindaInDisguise: The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.