@KrunkedRobot: My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
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@TEXASVETERAN: I sing like Sinatra and have the brain of Einstein. I think that's why girls call me Frankenstein.
@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.
@Breadery: I want my hearse to have 'JUST DIED' written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper.