@BwanaChris: My ex asked me what would make her new shoes look more sexy. "Give them to your sister," was apparently a relationship breaking answer
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@Marlebean: [Interviewing to be a mortician] Do you have any experience handling dead bodies? -Well I get my sleepy kids ready for school every day.
@E_lok44: When a 230 lb man yells from the shower for a towel, but you hand him a face cloth, he won't find it nearly as funny as you do.
@bingowings14: Either I just saw a bat in the garden or the mice are using hand-gliders to avoid our cat.