@BwanaChris: My ex asked me what would make her new shoes look more sexy. "Give them to your sister," was apparently a relationship breaking answer
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@weinerdog4life: When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can't get over the fence
@lisaxy424: My grandma got her bathroom redone with this sparkly gold-specked tile and she just called it her "golden shower" so goodnight.