@JVarsityCaptain: My ex can't take his new girlfriend to basketball games because she gets pissed when the whole stadium makes fun of her by yelling REBOUND!
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@gruffybeard: Counselor: Why do you resent your wife Me: She made me get out of line for Springsteen tix C: Why M: Something about her water breaking
@rorynotroy: id be so offended if a group of ppl just rolled through my room on safari rn as im lounging in bed and just pointed at me and took pictures
@daemonic3: [grocery store] Ok, milk... Check! Eggs... Check! Tomatoes... Check! "Sir, can you wait for the total and just write one check please?"