@zachreinert03: My ex claimed I had a 'hero' complex, but whatever I think wearing my underwear on the outside of my pants is a bold & brave fashion choice
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@ALF_from_TV: Me: My flight was canceled so I won't be home until tomorrow. Her: but you said you were just going out for milk.
@junejuly12: He always wanted a surprise gift wrapped up in a big red bow. *carefully arranges shiny red ribbon around a wriggling porcupine*