@BadaBinge: My ex gf came from the land down under, no not Australia, Hell.
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@theedgeofchris: Dora the Explorer has taught me just enough Spanish to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.
@thenatewolf: YOU: I feel so much better since I started eating more fruits and vegetables. ME: [lighting a french fry like a cigarette] You're weak.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: So you collect pictures of guys with their height and weight? Sounds a lot like Grindr Friend: THEY'RE BASEBALL CARDS, JERK
@Home_Halfway: Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find.