@scottthetwat: My ex GF turned out to be anorexic. Gradually I just saw less and less of her.
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@AdamTheLobster: This may be racist but whenever I have a test in class I try to get a seat next to a dolphin because they are usually really smart.
@murrman5: officer it's my son's car "just make it stop sir" I don't know how "can you call him" I'll try *tries to dial while car bounces up and down*
@PaperWash: [1st date] me: are you cold? date: *shivering* a little me: *putting second hoody on* that sucks