@P1ssed_K1d: My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I still don't know how much she charges him though
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@IamEnidColeslaw: I tell people my parents are divorced, but technically we lost my mom in a corn maze
@mydmac: Therapist: Would you use alcohol, food and sex as a means of feeling happy? Me: Yes, thanks.
@GrantTanaka: Helped my son flush his betta fish today. He asked "Dad, does God love bettas?" & I said "Dunno, son, ask him after we flush you."
@JhonRules: Hate when I forget to grab a towel before I shower and have to dry off by doing karate in the mirror for 3 hours