@P1ssed_K1d: My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I still don't know how much she charges him though
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@ShesARealGenius: [FIRST DATE] Me, opening mouth seductively: "And this is where I burned my tongue on pizza, and this is where I burned my tongue on fries, a
@Feel_Dont_Speak: A friend will invite you for beers A good friend will pick up the tab A best friend will hold your hair All three will have blackmail pics
@justabloodygame: [Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy] "Let's see who this ghost really is!" No! Wait, I'm not- [rip off face] *gasps* "OLD MAN SKELETON?"