@TitansHomer: My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it you can smell the ocean.
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@audipenny: Me: look at this stupid thing lol Person I want to like me: actually I studied that thing at sea for 3 decades and it's like a father to me
@mydanimarie: Sometimes I order Domino's but give them Pizza Hut's address. And when they show up and start fighting, just wait with my mouth open.
@ninjadinosaur1: If I had a twin, whenever someone asked which one of us was older, I'd tell them that we both came out at the exact same time.
@qwertying: A Little girl asked her father: Do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time? Father: No, some begin with - If elected I promise..