@THEDUTHCHESS: My ex husbands Voicemail was a trick one where he'd say "Hello Hello, so you think he'd answered and that's why he's dead.
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@markleggett: Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving.
@GabbbarSingh: People with Swiss bank accounts are often confused between their Bank balance and the Back Account number.
@tastefactory: *spills wine on Ouija board* OUIJA: *moving pointer by itself* H-E-Y S-S-E-X-Y D-Y-O-O-U-W-W-A-N-N-A M-A-K-E O-U-T ME: *moves pointer to NO*