@THEDUTHCHESS: My ex husbands Voicemail was a trick one where he'd say "Hello Hello, so you think he'd answered and that's why he's dead.
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@Gooooats: *standing by the turntables at the club* Her: are you the dj? Me: wha?... Oh, no, I was hoping this was a crepe station
@BoozeWallet: MOM: always open the door for a lady [later on date] ME: Let me get that for you [reaching under stall door for lock] please stop screaming
@KattsDogma: "How about we go with a gerund, but, like, maybe just half a gerund." - How ING Bank got its name
@SteveSuckington: How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?