@JUSTLisandra: My ex is coming to town tomorrow so I have to lose fifty pounds by morning.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RelatableQuote: She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather
@BrownBoxers: No cop can catch a kid on a 10 speed. -every 80s movie with cops chasing kids on 10 speeds.
@StevieKnip: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy
@ericsshadow: [Target intercom] "Would the parent of a 9 y/o named Jack please pick up your son at security. We've told u for weeks this isn't a daycare."