@JUSTLisandra: My ex is coming to town tomorrow so I have to lose fifty pounds by morning.
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@biatchppplease: My 6 yr old just asked if I'm a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side
@GrantTanaka: wife: maybe you should start working out again me: [literally sweating from trying to open a can of pringles] why
@RidiculousSheri: The restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally, but just me getting a pat down from airport security.
@iscoff: *draws a tarot card* Ah, the guy with too many swords. This card means you need to have less swords