@JUSTLisandra: My ex is coming to town tomorrow so I have to lose fifty pounds by morning.
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@FatherWithTwins: Me: Look, even if you could breathe underwater, no one wants to be Aquaman. 4yo: Who's Aquaman? Me: EXACTLY!
@david8hughes: How do you stop babies crying when you drop them? And don't say 'garbage disposal' because that's jammed now.
@WineMummy: Nothing says you're over your ex like showing up at his wedding with a bride and groom voodoo doll.