@JUSTLisandra: My ex is coming to town tomorrow so I have to lose fifty pounds by morning.
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@Tmoney68: Sure, my bologna has a first name, but he's a stickler for manners so he insists we still call him Mr. Bologna.
@simoncholland: Don't believe anything a weatherman says until he takes off the jacket and rolls up the sleeves.
@bobvulfov: APPLE GENIUS: how did u get so much water on the laptop [flashback to me taking my laptop into the shower so i could tweet] ME: hurricane