@ColoradoCrow: My ex is fat!!! Yay...I win!!!
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@JustDontBugMe: [Getting married] Hey, thanks for doing this with me... I wasn't sure how to operate the microwave.
@iwearpajamas: I've been working on a new type of martial arts that involves the taking of money from Hispanics. TakeJuan'sdough.
@lmwortho: I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey.