@ColoradoCrow: My ex is fat!!! Yay...I win!!!
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@ElleOhHell: Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that.
@BuckyIsotope: [on game show] Choose a door for a goat or a new car "I'll take door #2" You've won the car! *sees it's a Kia* "Can I have the goat instead"