@MrSandeepP: My ex is going to make some guy very happy one day but completely miserable the rest of the time.
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@sarcasticmommy4: My kids are celebrating National Siblings Day just like I knew they would: screaming & fighting.
@KeetPotato: cop: "sir im afraid your dog is too cool for this neighbourhood" me: [turns his little baseball cap round right way] cop: "ok that's better"
@ch000ch: my doctor refuses to fight me and i think it's cause he saw how i barely cried during my flu shot
@Dave_in_SoPo: Parenting is much harder nowadays. For example, you have to be able to push a kid on a swing and tweet at the same time.