@mindintheshadow: My ex is looking for a job but I don't think satan is retiring anytime soon so I suppose she'll be unemployed for a while.
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@WigCannon: before stairs there'd be someone on the second floor and people would ask "how'd you get up there" and they'd be like "i don't know"
@doublewenis: Hey...quick question, fellas: Does it still count as leg day if you just shaved them?
@marknorm: After learning about hieroglyphics, it makes you realize that Egyptians invented the emoji.
@UniqueDude2: me: hello darkness my old friend darkness: you are going to hate me but I forgot your name