@Feenohmenal: My ex said he would die for me. All I'm saying is, it was his suggestion.
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@Book_Krazy: Me: Well hello again. I knew you'd be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
@zbinski: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
@tjcirimele: *cat lays on my leg* *I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won't leave* *I move half an inch* *cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*
@nbadag: [the noise of everyone talking at a party randomly goes silent] ME: i call hot dogs meat pickles