@Feenohmenal: My ex said he would die for me. All I'm saying is, it was his suggestion.
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@leyawn: me at five am: should i sleep for two hours or stay up me at now am: Did my coworker just say "email" or "bee jail". what did the bee do
@BradBroaddus: My rear view mirror broke off. No biggie, I'll just put one of my contact lenses in backwards.
@prufrockluvsong: Him: Flash me a smile. You're prettier when you smile. I seductively part my lips to reveal one perfect orange slice.
@ConanOBrien: Great, yet another drive-in movie ruined by the neighbors saying I can't park on their lawn and watch movies through the living room window.