@HeyoShellz: My ex says he's dating someone new but according to his Instagram she's a sandwich
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@Not_a_JesusGirl: I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"
@TheToddWilliams: STICK BUG WIFE: We can't seem to get pregnant DOC: Well, we ran numerous tests… STICK BUG WIFE: …and? DOC: Your husband's an actual stick
@audipenny: Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?