@craiguito: My ex used to say there was one person for everyone. I didn't realise he planned to be that person
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@merican_ninjy: I gave my wife a tip how she could wash the dishes better. On a side note, Dawn detergent is really starting to make my hands more soft.
@dulcetry: I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it's cold" could you tell me more about that
@spekulation: My phone corrects "haha" to "hahaha", so all my friends think they're 50% funnier than they actually are.