@fatherofcomedy: My ex was a true professional.she said "you are fired" when we broke up.
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@pmclellan: To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.
@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.
@ibid78: [internet] if u liked this story on cows dressed as plumbers.. [me] I did [i] here's a story on panda cops [barely containing my glee] go on
@StatusInBeirut: If you think being a vegetarian will make you thin, I direct your attention to cows.