@fatherofcomedy: My ex was a true professional.she said "you are fired" when we broke up.
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@WheelTod: "Children can be very cruel," I reassure my 6 year-old. "But sometimes it seems like you aren't even trying."
@Laser_Cat: *gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go.