@Cpin42: My ex-wife and I broke up over religious differences. I was agnostic and she was Satan.
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@TheToddWilliams: [robbery] ROBBER: Give me all your money! ME: I don't have it all with me. ROBBER: Dang!
@Lexactly: Dentistry is the perfect profession for people who like to talk but don't want a response
@TheHyyyype: REP: we are pleased to provide u with the highest level of customer service! ME: oh sorry, got the wrong number. was tryin to call comcast
@itsmovies: In movies when people go underwater, I like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo.