@Cpin42: My ex-wife and I broke up over religious differences. I was agnostic and she was Satan.
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@Jen_says_nah: *puts message in a bottle *stares longingly out at sea and throws it in *gets tazed and arrested for littering
@KayRants: Ignoring your text is easy. It's having to park my car 8 blocks away so you think I'm not home when you drive by that's awkward.
@_Justin_Stepien: I'm so much like a noodle when I shower. sit in hot water for 7-8 minutes and become soft, squishy, and delicious afterwards
@TheToddWilliams: GOOD COP: Three robberies in the same neighborhood ...do you know what I'm thinking? PSYCHIC COP: Yes GOOD COP: Oh right