@Cpin42: My ex-wife and I broke up over religious differences. I was agnostic and she was Satan.
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@TheWoodenslurpy: Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.
@juanadog: Saw a sign on the highway that said "Kill or Injure a Road Worker: $7,500" but it doesn't tell me where to pick up the money...
@green_eyed_doll: Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.