@WilliamAder: My existential crisis began when I realized there is no "I" in "me."
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@jimmytorosian: Me: "I have octopus like reflexes." Person: "Don't you mean cat like reflexes?" Me: *squirting him with ink* "Nope."
@hippieswordfish: '911 HELP SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE' uh ok, wow. not loving your tone. why don't you hang up, lose the 'tude and lets try that again, pal