@WilliamAder: My existential crisis began when I realized there is no "I" in "me."
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@thesulk: My stomach just made the sound of a 68-year-old Long Island woman seeing her granddaughter for the first time.
@man_spach: Just saved a bunch of money on my Glenn from The Walking Dead Halloween costume by not showering for a month.
@JessObsess: [drunk text] God I miss you so much. Why can't we go back to how things were? OBAMA: How did you get this number?
@ThatDudeF: Telling our kids we were born before the Internet is going to be the new 'I walked to school in the snow without shoes'