@SilverKick: My eyes are brown with tiny flecks of narcissism.
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@thulnicolle: Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
@notacroc: [date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician
@MensHumor: You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
@Iwriteforcats: [Google Search History] 1. Do raccoons like to cuddle? 2. What does rabies smell like? 3. I can't feel my face.