@neerjagurnani: "My eyes are up here" ~ The last words heard by any guy who checked Medusa out.
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@MichaelTrying: The moral of “The Three Little Pigs” is “make your house with bricks.” Why are we giving four year olds architectural advice?
@NJPsychDoc: My therapist says that to be happy in marriage, never go to sleep mad at each other. Been mad at my wife 2 months straight cause of insomnia
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Taylor Swift tweeted a picture of her cat watching the Olympics and just as I suspected, Taylor's bedroom looks like a giant doily.
@Elizasoul80: Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they're the problem is the other half.