@TheCiscoKidder: After I beat my dad in Go Fish, I like to shit in my underwear to celebrate. -My son, apparently

@KirillWasHere: If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

@ashleyaustrew: 4: "Mom, I'm gonna be just like you when I grow up and say bad words and eat French fries two at a time."

@TheHyyyype: GUY: hey pal, if you have a problem, say it to my face ME: *gets really close* i'm two months behind on my rent

@djdarrellripley: Her: You know, alot of men are going to be miserable when I marry. Me: Well how many men do you plan to marry?