@meganamram: My face is very symmetrical...over the x-axis :(
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@fro_vo: Friend: what are u doing Me: training my pet rock Friend: that's dumb Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face* Me: no rocky, no
@HatfieldAnne: You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won’t unstop. Don’t look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God.
@Ilovelamp1979: My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie. Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea
@Amusitr0n: Alien Archeologist: this human was buried covered in chicken bones, we theorize he believed in a poultry afterlife. Me: (25,000 years earlier, climbing into a KFC dumpster in the dead of night)