@meganamram: My face is very symmetrical...over the x-axis :(
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@TheCiscoKidder: After I beat my dad in Go Fish, I like to shit in my underwear to celebrate. -My son, apparently
@KirillWasHere: If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
@ashleyaustrew: 4: "Mom, I'm gonna be just like you when I grow up and say bad words and eat French fries two at a time."
@TheHyyyype: GUY: hey pal, if you have a problem, say it to my face ME: *gets really close* i'm two months behind on my rent