@pmclellan: My family doctor says "you really need to lose weight," and my witch doctor says "moh ki kaa raa." I think I'll just moh ki kaa raa tbh.
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@PortRooster: Niece (4): Uncle, what do you get if you mix blue and purple? Me: Blurple. *She walks away satisfied and amazed at all the things I "know"
@wendchymes: Before company arrives we like to clean our house so there's no evidence that we live like circus monkeys the other 364 days of the year!
@TheMichaelRock: If schools were really serious about fundraisers, they'd sell drugs and alcohol.