@NervousJr: My family is starting to catch on to my "I died" excuse.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system.
@TheTweetOfGod: Media, stop using the phrase 'breaking news'. It's been broken for some time now.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Just saw a snake slither through my backyard, so if anyone wants a house in Houston, it's yours.
@BigFatNothing: A local business in my town has an open carry discount. As in, you show them a gun to save money. Doesn't that discount apply everywhere?