@NervousJr: My family is starting to catch on to my "I died" excuse.
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@StansaidAirport: Do you like freezing to death and knocking down trees with your face? Well why not book a skiing holiday?
@MarfSalvador: [Camping] Her: You didn't bring food? Him: No Her: Or toilet paper? Him: Why would we need toilet paper if we don't have food?
@stephenjmolloy: Newsreader: "And now Tom with the weather." Weatherman: "It's Tim, actually." Newsreader: "Sorry. And now Tom with the tim."