@heatherlou_: My family keeps bringing up my felony like I'm afraid to commit another one.
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@lecalabara: Wanna know the secret to a good marriage? Sleep. Cant do anything wrong while sleeping. Unless you talk in your sleep, then youre dead.
@LosLos__: Stop. Stop it right now. I'm going to count to five. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. ~A parenting haiku.
@EJGomez: [holding my aunts stupid idiot baby] what sound does a cow make "moo!" good now a dog "woof woof!" 2 for 2. now...WHERES THAT MISSING PLANE
@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".