@heatherlou_: My family keeps bringing up my felony like I'm afraid to commit another one.
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@tackie_jackie: Just gave my husband a 3 dozen box of condoms. He laughed and called it a life time supply. I laughed and called him optimistic.
@RobSprance: If McDonalds wants to check my $10 bill for signs of counterfeit, I should be able to check their chicken for chicken.
@GrumpyBahr: Sorry I haven't tweeted much. Kathy on facebook was keeping us updated on her menstrual cramps.
@sarcasm_inc: *at a loud house party* Is this your- I SAID IS THIS YOUR HOUSE? I NOTICED THE DOG BOWL. WHERE IS HE OR SHE, I'D LIKE TO PET HIM OR HER