@heatherlou_: My family keeps bringing up my felony like I'm afraid to commit another one.
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@Home_Halfway: "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure! What's your name? "Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool
@AmishPornStar1: I need a way to keep fit that will make me look like a crazy person so no one will approach me while I do it. -inventor of powerwalking
@Reverend_Scott: How to end an interview: 1. Thank them for their time. 2. Shake their hand firmly. 3. Firmer. 4. Firmer yet. 5. BREAK HIS HAND YOU MUST WIN
@SweetTweetsBRO: The worst feeling ever is when you miss someone but you can't even tell them you miss them because they are alcohol.