@heatherlou_: My family keeps bringing up my felony like I'm afraid to commit another one.
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@QwertyJones3: The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
@SeanLowe09: I just heated up a delicious chocolate brownie and put some ice cream on top of it & sat on the couch to enjoy it. Seconds later, Catherine asked Samuel if he’d like a bite on MY brownie. I faked a smile and gave him a bite. Soon after, she asked him AGAIN. I have no wife.