@heatherlou_: My family keeps bringing up my felony like I'm afraid to commit another one.
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@kelkulus: All those years studying karate saved my life one night, when a man with a gun jumped out of nowhere and demanded I count to 10 in Japanese.
@froghammer: Obamacare? More like "Obama? I don't care for that guy!!!" Honk if you want poor people to die
@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich