@Michabean: My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: Damn dog is under the covers again! Wife: No she's not. She's next to the bed. Me: Oh. Wife: ... Me: Might be time to shave your legs.
@david8hughes: "You're in no position to be making demands." [does a handstand] "Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation." "Fair enough.
@rzarosco: *does 3 or 4 pretty accurate karate kicks in front of a girl* "Ya as I was saying my dad went to middle school with the drummer from Tesla"
@samalmightysam: My life is like that Rihanna song :work, work and work, and then I don't understand anything else.