@kelkulus: My family used to move a lot when I was a kid, but I always found them.
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@lisaxy424: *finally finds comfiest position in bed* bladder: so you're not going to believe this
@Crunk_Jews: You can tell a lot about a person by what they're willing to do during conjugal visits.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Can I pet your dog?" "Sure, but he can be aggressive." [He pushes a pamphlet about the dangers of gluten towards me with his nose]
@Thing_Finder: Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said "So sorry man. Hope things work out."