@ericsshadow: My fashion sense has been described as "They probably won't let you in like that" and "Are those your pajamas?"
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: Now what's the rule, son? 11yo: *sighs* If his first album came out after 2000, I can't call him a rapper. Me: You're learning...
@EndhooS: Me: I got my YOLO tattoo covered up GF: Good. I told you it was just a stupid fad Me: I know GF: What'd you get? Me: *reveals Minion tattoo*
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope
@thestlouisan: My 5 year old just ended a phone call with "I gotta jump, Daddy. I'm out." And now everyone in my house is officially cooler than me.