@_xLNc: My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
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@ddsmidt: I want to be in a heavy metal band just so I can scream terrible things at crowds of people and not be accused of having PMS.
@EndhooS: A fun thing to do when someone shows you a picture of their new baby is to look confused and just say "I don't get it?"
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: *Goes to zoo to see the world's oldest tortoise. Guide: He's over 200 years old. How cool is that? *Tortoise says something racist.