@_xLNc: My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
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@tastefactory: Hey u should give your secret boss this Coke. *bottle says "Share a Coke w/ the Drug Maker Guy"* *undercover cop's fake mustache falls off*
@illiter8too: Don't fight your demons: invite them in, nurture them, fuel their unholy power, get them to destroy your enemies, take them bowling.
@julietactually: him: [slipping my panties off] why are u wearing 2 pairs of panties me: I'm not him: [sliding another pair off] omg how many are u wearing
@VerifiedDrunk: Me: I want to take you home and drink you up baby Case of beer: I have a boyfriend