@_xLNc: My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."
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@flashember: DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight
@jenstatsky: The best answer to an American Apparel salesperson asking you if you're looking for anything specific is, "the bottom half of a shirt."