@Terdoh: My father put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like "You're five years old? When I was your age I was six!"
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@MarylandMudflap: Slowly crawl towards your sleeping dog, put your face directly next to its face, and whisper "I know it's been you shitting in my yard."
@Marlebean: Me: Shut the door, I need privacy 4y/o: But we're family! Me: Families don't watch each other go poop 4:You watch me poop! Me:...take a seat
@WhaJoTalkinBout: My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet.
@BuyBritishMilk: By the age of 35, you should have seen off the threat of redundancy by using your control of your employer's social media account to secure a pay increase.