@Terdoh: My father put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like "You're five years old? When I was your age I was six!"
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@dafloydsta: [on a date] *wonders if she'll steal my fries while I use the restroom* *shakes Magic 8 ball* "YES" *takes plate of fries with me*
@VerbsRProudest: I don't know when the apocalypse will happen. All I know for sure is my son will still have 4th grade math homework due the next day.
@KeetPotato: [uses my last wish to be reincarnated as a bird] me: [as my dad vomits directly in my mouth] "i did not think this through"
@VinnyPisciotta1: Singin' in the Rain is a beloved Oscar-winning classic, but singin' on the train will get you harsh stares and a six seater all to yourself.